Top Three...

There are various ways to say that a person needs to use a toilet. "I need to use the washroom!", or "My bladder is about to explode!" are two examples of what I think are acceptable ways to say that they need to pee. However, there are some stupid sayings out there and I am writing about the top three dumbest ways people say they need to pee. The criteria that I am using to judge the idiocy of the different expressions include whether or not a person can state the sentence without smiling, if the words used in the sentence are actually related to the original words, and how intelligent the person sounds when making this statement.

The first ridiculous statement for this bodily function is "I need to go potty!" Firstly, the grammar in this statement is non-existant. Where are the prepositions? Secondly, how does one get the word "potty" out of the word "toilet". They are completely unrelated words, if you can even call the former one a word. Thirdly, the person saying this sounds utterly ridiculous, unintelligent, and uneducated. Thus the statement "I need to go potty!" is ranked, for me, as the worst way to say that a person needs to pee.

The second obscur sentence I have heard before is "I need to tinkle!" While this statement is slightly better grammatically, people really don't need to know that when you pee, it makes a tinkling noise. They can find it out for themselves, thank you very much. What if you were talking to someone who was deaf and you said this? They might find it slightly offensive, seeing as they don't know what "tinkling" sounds like. Also, I challenge you to say this without smiling, or causing someone else to smile after hearing it.

The third bizarre declaration that people use is "I have to piddle!" At least there aren't really any grammar issues in this statement. However, once again, I challenge you to say this without illiciting some sort of a smile or giggle from either yourself or your audience. Then there is the fact that the person most definately does not sound intelligent when they are professing their need to "piddle".

Thus, it is without hesitation that I condemn these three ways of asserting a person's desire to relieve themselves as being the worst in their category.